Filed under: Chinese Adventures, Feeling Cheeky, General Nonsense | Tags: offensive odours, skunk
The most offensive odours I have ever encountered:
1. When I attended some Chinese bazaar in Scarborough with Thea and her friend and her friend’s boyfriend. People were lining up to eat something that smelled like Satan’s fart. Between bouts of vomit I inadvertently offended Thea’s friend and Thea’s friend’s boyfriend, who apparently regard Satan’s fart as a delicacy. Thea’s friend is going to be a bridesmaid, I believe.
2. When Frasier was sprayed by a skunk. The foulness that you occasionally encounter on the highway is merely a pale reflection of the pure potency of skunk juice. It was as if a giant decaying onion exploded in our house. I actually couldn’t get to sleep even with a pillow shoved over my face.
Good news. Big Momma’s House 2 was #1 at the box office this weekend. In fact, it had the second biggest January opening after the re-release of Star Wars back in 1997.
I just want to express my dismay that a crappy sequel to a crappy movie made so much money because it just means more crappy sequels to crappy movies. I should mention that I haven’t seen either said crappy movie or said crappy sequel. I miss The Lord Of The Rings.
Let’s take a moment to read a review of Big Momma’s House 2:
” Martin Lawrence returns as everybody’s favorite heavyweight detective in Big Momma’s House 2. After learning of his partner’s murder, Malcolm Turner (Martin Lawrence) leaves behind his quiet civilian life to catch the killers. Acting outside the jurisdiction of the FBI, Malcolm is on the trail of the international drug cartel suspected of his partner’s murder, all the while fighting his old colleagues who want to reign in his maverick, above-the-law behavior.
A rib-tickling, side-splitting tour-de-farce, Big Momma’s House Two offers helping after helping of morbidly obese comedy. You’ll laugh so hard you’ll go into diabetic shock!“
I see. It’s a tour-de-farce. Do you see what he did there? A little play on words. Should be tour-de-force, but because it’s a comedy… we get tour-de-farce. And apparently diabetic shock. An oversupply of insulin in relation to the glucose level in my blood isn’t really one of my movie-going goals, but comedy is subjective I’m told.
I’m being mean for no reason, really. Thea has given me permission to be mean to people under strict stipulations:
- He/she/it must be stranger
- Thea cannot be present.
It appears that my family is moving to Burlington. So… 2006 is going to be an eventful year for the Delic family. I would have appreciated them waiting until I leave the country a measly two months later. But no one listens to me.
Thea might be up for jury duty. Very exciting.
Filed under: General Nonsense
Alright. One last comment about relationships.
I think the best relationship advice I ever got was when someone said that you should be better Christians together than apart. And I think that’s what Paul was getting at when he said that it’s better for Christians to be single. He was thinking about our effectiveness as Jesus Ambassadors… and we should try and look at it from the same angle.
So although I want to make lots of babies with Thea, what strikes me the most about our relationship is how much she’s pointed me towards God and away from myself. Unlike most anyone else I’ve ever met, she was completely immune to my manipulations and power struggles. It’s not that Thea was able to ignore my crap better than anybody else… it was more that she just wasn’t playing the same game. No, it’s more than that… it was more like I was playing chess, and she was knitting. So I had to find a different, more honest strategy for communicating with other human beings. She made me more humble, I guess. And even before the bubbly feelings, Thea brought out a gentleness in me for some reason.
It’s starting to sound like I support the idea that there’s One Person who will change everything and is perfect for you. In a sense I am… because I believe that God is guiding our lives and pushing us to be the best people that we can be, so of course he is going to guide us to a mate that facilitates his will for our lives.
But the important thing is to redirect and refocus our attention away from relationships with each other, and onto our relationship with God. I want to say that after that everything else falls into place, but it doesn’t really. But we should realize that we shouldn’t be trying to fill the God-hole in each of us with another person, but rather with God; and it’s completely possible that God could use a romantic relationship (or any other kind) to bring you closer to him, to understand him better, and to see his face a little clearer in the eyes of the person that you fall in love with.
Hmm. I’m not quite saying what I want to say. But I’ll think about it some more and try again some other time.
Filed under: General Nonsense
I feel stupid about that last entry… As if I know anything about why relationships work.
Filed under: General Nonsense
While dropping Thea off tonight and watching her walk up to her front door, I had a flashback to when we first started dating. I can’t recall if it was the first time or the second time we started dating. Probably the first.
It was back when I would still actually walk her to the front door; I hugged her good night and it felt awkward. And I wondered if it was a sign that we weren’t meant to be together or if it would always be awkward hugging…
Fortunately, things slowly became more comfortable. But the whole flashback made me think of how much pressure we can put on the little things… and how stupid our idea of “true love” can be. We get a notion that there’s someone perfect for us. They’re not perfect alone… but the coming together of the two halves makes a perfect whole. It’s not true.
On the other hand… Thea was my first girlfriend. And now I’m going to marry her. What was different about Thea that made me want to take a chance on relationships? I don’t know.
Rambling.
I listened to The Fellowship Of The Ring soundtrack driving home tonight. Great movie. Those movies really define my years in university.
I’m watching a fairly banal movie, Orange County, on the television. But it has this scene where the main character meets his idol, a famous author, who tells him that one of his stories is quite good. And it aroused my writing impulse, long thought dead.
I pretty much abandoned the whole writing thing because I didn’t think I had anything interesting to say and wasn’t saying it very well anyway. I thought I would channel my writing impulse into sermons or Christian writing or something. I don’t know. I wish I was as naturally good at preaching as writing.
I get these bouts of mediocrity where I feel, well, mediocre. And it seems that I have to either embrace my normalness and get over the fact that I’m not sensational at everything… or… I can’t think of an or.
Ah… melancholy.
Then again, I might be more successful if I weren’t so lazy.
Filed under: Blogroll
Some pictures from Christmas Eve and Christmas.
Once again, Thea looks great… I look not great.
The pictures were taken with a film camera, but Kodak included a photo CD of oh-so-high quality pictures. So I thought I’d slap ‘em on my blog.
On Christmas day, Althea was unexpectedly possessed by a Christmas demon of some sort. She was heavily sedated after partially devouring a baby.
Finally, here’s a picture of my whole family.
It appears that I may be touching Thea’s bottom in this picture. Or perhaps my father has super power stretching abilities and it’s his hand.
Notice that Thea is wearing a different outfit in each picture although they were all taken on the same day.
Filed under: General Nonsense
So my mother believes that we have a wild animal secretly residing on our property. Fortunately, she believes that it’s a chicken. That’s right, my mother claims that she saw a chicken scurrying into the bushes early one morning. I would love to support my mother in her conviction, but I have yet to see any domesticated fowl running wild in all my years living in Oakville.
Apparently sometime in early winter both my parents saw a baby chicken, a chick, running across the street as they were driving home. This of course couldn’t have been any other small bird, it had to be a chicken. And now mother thinks that the chicken has survived the harshness of winter and is living beneath our pine tree. A chicken.
In other news, I was confronted by a cowboy last night at Union Station after I gave some money to a homeless chap. According to the cowboy, my homeless friend was only going to spend the money on liquor. I kindly told the cowboy that I didn’t care and we parted ways.
I have some thoughts on this.
First, if I wanted to be sure that Homeless Guy was going to spend his money on something productive, I could have just bought him some food. But I had some change… so I gave him some change. I was more concerned with showing someone compassion and training myself to not care about money. And he looked like he could use a drink.
Second, who wears a cowboy hat anymore?
Filed under: General Nonsense
I brought my dad’s ancient digital camera to Thea’s house on Friday and took some shots. So I’m sharing them with… Dan. The only person that reads this blog, methinks.
This is Thea’s engagement ring. Isn’t it purdy? Thea’s hand looks white.
Thea, Pippin, and Audrey. Pippin loves to be cuddled.
Another picture of Thea. She’s gonna want me to take it down, so enjoy it while it lasts.
And this is a picture of Lola. I didn’t think her image could actually be captured by a camera or a mirror, but here it is. I like it because it’s foreboding. This is actually the first picture of a Lola in her natural habitat.
I accomplished nothing today. Hurrah.
Filed under: General Nonsense
So after church yesterday a group of us (Thea, her friends, me) went to the Mississauga News Bridal Show at The Living Arts Centre. I just followed them around carrying a plastic bag to store all the free magazines and brochures and samples. I submitted my name for lots of free stuff… so keep your fingers crossed.
Found out that Moore’s is having a special on tux rentals. The cost would come to slightly less than half of what we’re going to pay for the Scottish formal wear. I’m not going to tell the groomsmen that.
It was weird hearing Thea called the-bride-to-be by so many people. It gave me chills and tingles and projectile vomit.
Then last night was Xpiri[t]ence. I didn’t really feel like going because it’s usually loud and lively and… I’m boring. But I had a good time. It still makes me feel old… but it’s fun to watch the kids get excited about Jesus stuff. And the sermon was excellent.
The whole event made me realize how poorly I would fit into that group if I were the same age as them. Lots of basketball and rap. Thea and I were talking about it afterwards, after she found me in a quiet secluded spot. Somehow I was thinking that all normal teenagers like that stuff and it was just me that didn’t fit in. But there are probably lots of teenagers that wouldn’t enjoy rap and basketball. Who knows.
I love having Mondays off. I should be working on my Greek homework, but it’s so nice to have a day to relax at the beginning of the week. I’ll have to jumpstart my thesis this week, though.
